Keep Living
by Viperclaw1575
Summary: DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T READ ALLEGIANT. THERE ARE SPOILERS! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Basically an alternate epilogue, which means that everything that happened in Allegiant happened. From the perspective of Four.


**(I'm sorry I know that there's like a million of these out there, but I just really want to write this anyway. By the way, did Allegiant make anyone else out the tear up a bit? Starts when Tobias is sitting on the train to scatter Tris' ashes. It's been a few weeks since I read Allegiant so some of the facts might be wrong or a little off. The whole idea of Divergent, the characters and any parts that seem familiar because they are in the book belong to Veronica Roth.)**

Tobias Pov

They all think that I'm ready to move on. That I'll be able to live the rest of my life normally, at least as normally as I can with the factions gone and after everything that's happened... Heck, I don't even know what's normal anymore! But the truth is, nothing's the same without her, without Tris.

I try to move on like everyone keeps telling me, but I can't. Only the few people on this train really understand what I went through.

Christina sits against the wall of the train, occasionally glancing at the urn in my hands. Her eyes are glistening with tears that she holds back. She was her best friend, they'd gone through a lot together and were almost always by each other's side. And in top of that she had also lost her boyfriend at the beginning of the war.

Zeke sits next to Shauna, holding her hand. It sends a pang of sadness through me, Tris and I used to be like that. But they deserve to be together, the two of them have gone through so much. Shauna lost her little sister, Lynn, and Zeke lost Uriah. Just thinking of Uriah makes me feel guilty. If I'd listened to Tris then Uriah wouldn't have been injured in the explosion that I was part of. He wouldn't have went into a coma. He wouldn't have had to be unplugged.

I look around and it finally hits me. Out of the nine people I had considered my friends, only four of us are still alive. It's ironic since I used to go by the name Four, four fears, four of us left.

I try not to think about it but I subconsciously recall every person who was close to me that had died in the war, Jeanine Matthews' hunt for divergents and basically during my whole life.

First there was Al, the depressed, cowardly initiate that couldn't make it through initiation so he took the jump. So many people died in the war, Will, Tris' parents, Lynn, Marlene, Tori, Uriah and Tris. I could name a few more but I am disturbed from my thoughts when the train hits a slight bump.

I see the Hancock Building coming up and I stand. My friends stand too and we prepare to jump. I jump off and land in a roll, curling my body around the precious urn. I follow Zeke to the building and we pile into the elevator. Shauna hits the button for the hundredth floor and we start to go up.

The elevator is fairly big but with three other humans in it the elevator is slightly cramped, just enough to activate my claustrophobia. I try to breathe but I'm still panicking. Suddenly I seem to have melted into the past. I feel Tris' small but powerful body pressed against me and I hear her talking about her mother keeping coats in their closet. I close my eyes and find myself able to breathe. I open my eyes as a slight 'ding' signals that we have reached the top.

I step out of the elevator and I see a ladder making a path to the roof. Zeke goes first and holds the ladder steady as Christina climbs up. Then I step forward and make my way up one handed, the other clutching the urn as if afraid that I would drop it if I loosened my hold on it. I reach the roof and find myself very high up.

Shauna walks over to a harness at the edge of the roof. Zeke helps her in and straps her to the harness. Then he gives her a shove and she's flying down the zip line. Christina goes next, she gives a little whoop of joy as she flys down the zip line. Now, it's my turn.

I try not to look down as I walk up to the harness. "How'd she go down it?" I ask Zeke, "She went face down." Zeke answers. I climb into the harness and lay face down as Zeke straps me in. Then he gets the extra straps and straps the urn to my back. He opens the urn and hands me the lid. I try to focus of the heavy weight of the urn on my back instead of looking down and the ground which is really far down.

Zeke finishes strapping me and the urn in and gets ready to give me a push. "Three, two one, g-" before he can finish the word go I'm flying down the zip line. From my face down position I can see the ground flying by, which I might add, makes the whole thing much scarier. I open my mouth and scream in terror. Then the end of the zip line comes closer and I pull on the brake. The harness stops and I shakily unstrap myself and the now empty urn. Then I drop down to the mattress thing that we placed at the end because there aren't enough people to safely catch another person without dropping them.

Christina and Shauna come over and pull me off the mattress and we wait for Zeke. Not much more than a minute passes before we see Zeke coming down the line giving a slight whoop of joy. I look up and for a moment I swear that the ashes I just scattered formed the shape of a raven in the sky.

Then I turn away and follow my friends back to the Dauntless, no, the old Dauntless compound. Everything is still as I remember. Except it's not the same Dauntless as before. The factions never reformed after the war, but a lot of us still live in our old homes, as an old habit.

When I get back to the compound Christina, Shauna, and Zeke go to the cafeteria to eat dinner. I don't feel like going into the busy cafeteria so I just go back to my apartment.

I enter and the first thing that I see are the words 'Fear God Alone' painted on my wall. I set the urn down at my table and open the fridge. I pull out a sandwich and eat it. I then go to my bedroom and reach under my bed.

I tug a large box out from under my bed and open it. Inside I have hidden a few items, another box taking up half the large box, two pictures, a small vial and a syringe full of memory serum.

I sit on the floor and begin to remember what each of the items was for. The pictures, inside the first picture frame is a picture of Tris and I on the day that I revealed the final rankings, the day that started that whole mess.

I remember that day, I had gone up to Tris and asked, "Do you think a hug would be giving away too much?" And she had replied, "You know, I don't really care anymore." Then she had kissed me, right in front of everyone, revealing the relationship we had kept hidden during her initiation.

The picture is a little fuzzy, mainly because I had found it in the security footage in the control room. I'd been searching through the footage one night when I remembered the day. I had then searched through the footage till I found this exact moment, frozen in time.

The second picture from the Bureau, I found the footage of the day that I climbed the Ferris wheel with Tris. You can't see much in the photo, all you can see is two indistinct silhouettes crouched in the Ferris wheel.

I gently touch the two photos and smile a little. These are two of my most treasured possessions. Since they have the only remembrance of Tris that I have. Slowly, I set them back into the box and look at the syringe.

After I promised Christina that I wouldn't ever try to inject myself with the memory serum when she had given it back to me. After a whole year of keeping it with her and watching me like a hawk.

Then I reach into the box and grab the small vial. It is barely bigger that a roll of tape. I have always felt guilty about having this small vial. Now I feel even guiltier. Everyone thought that I scattered all of Tris' ashes today. They're wrong. I still have a small vial filled with her ashes.

Finally I put the vial back and open the other box. Inside I have a large pile of syringes. For the fear simulations. I grab one of the syringes and head up to the simulations room.

I activate the computer and inject myself with the serum. Then I wait. Soon the landscape begins to fill in. A walls hit my back and sides and immediately I begin to panic, but just like this morning when I scattered her ashes, Tris' voice comes to me, soothing me, I listen to her voice and begin to calm down. The box melts away and my second fear appears.

I am expecting the same fear about having to kill an innocent, but instead of an innocent, Marcus appears. Anger surges through me and I grab the gun without hesitation and I shoot, straight at him. He should have died, but instead he pulls a child in front of him and the bullet, which was aimed at Marcus' heart, hits the child in the head.

Marcus sneers at me and says, "Well, well, well, Tobias, or should I call you, Four? It looks like you're taking after me, son." Horrified I turn away from him and repeated to myself the words, 'it's not real, it's not real, it's not real.' Slowly I begin to calm down. Taking deep breaths and slowing my heartbeat. Soon the fear fades.

A new fear replaces the old one. I see Zeke, Shauna, and Christina locked in a room. They see me and start crying out, "Help us!" "Please! Four! Help!" "Save us!" I try to step forward to help them but I can't move, I'm stuck. Suddenly David appears, my fists clench as I think of him shooting Tris, my Tris. He has a sneer on his face and a gun in his hand. He looks at me and smirks.

Then he raises the gun and fires at Shauna. It hits her in the stomach. Zeke wails and runs to her side, holding her close. Christina shouts at David, screaming that he's a terrible person and why would he shoot Shauna. David just grins and as Shauna bleeds out he smiles even wider.

Next he shoots Christina, a clean painless hit through the head. That left just Zeke in the cell. Everything slows down as David's last bullet flies toward my best friend. He turns toward me and the look on his face is an accusing look, silently asking "Why didn't you help us?" Then the bullet hits his chest, and he dies.

A small sob threatens to make an appearance but I hold it back, focusing on getting to the next fear. As soon as the machine deems me calm this fear fades and the new one appears.

I see David in front of me and he's smirking, saying that he enjoyed hearing Tris try to talk her way out of her death and that he loved the feeling of shooting her. My vision goes red and I grab the pistol that is on my lap and I shoot at him. The shots hit him in the stomach. He falls, but as he does he says, "This was your fault."

Suddenly my world seems to shift and twist and then David, isn't David, he starts to shift, his features changing. His hair turns blonde and he turns into a she. David has changed into... Tris. I run forward and hold her whispering about how I didn't mean it, that I thought she was David. But as she dies she whispers, "It was your fault."

Her body fades and I just sit there and cry, everything that has happened crashes down on me and I just cry. Bawling my eyes out. I didn't except the simulation to end. Not so suddenly. But it does and I see three people in front of me. Christina, Zeke and Shauna.

Shauna crouches next to me and rubs my back slightly to calm me down. Christina runs over from the computer where she was obviously shutting down the simulation and pulls me into a hug. Soon all my friends have gathered into a group hug.

When I have calmed down I look up at my friends and say, "Thanks you guys." "No probs man," Zeke says, grinning slightly, somehow Zeke always manages to make things lighter, "By the way, was the legendary Four actually crying?!" I manage a laugh and lightly punch Zeke for his comment.

Later that night I am lying in bed, trying to fall asleep. It takes a while but I finally manage to shut my eyes and keep them shut. As soon as I fall asleep I dream.

I am in a long corridor, the walls are a smoky gray color and it's dark. At the other end of the hall I can see light, so I start walking toward the light.

I peek around the corner and I see another hall, like the one I just came from. Except, this hall is brightly lit and there's little rectangular things in the walls. But then I hear a voice and my head whips around to look for the owner of the voice, "Tobias, I've missed you." The voice says. A figure appears at the end of the hall and tears spring to my eyes, it's Tris.

I run towards her as fast as I can and I pull her into a hug. She looks exactly the same as she did when we parted. She smiles, her blue-gray eyes shining with joy. "I have something to show you, Tobias." She says.

She goes over to this square thing and turns it on with a remote, it asks for identification and she simply presses her hand to the square. It beeps and says, 'Welcome Tris Prior, please select the photo album that you wish to display' Tris keeps the screen hidden from me and taps something, an album I suppose.

The rectangular things on the wall light up and I realize that they're actually screens, screens for showing pictures. Tris grabs my hand and pulls me to the nearest picture, "All these picture on the wall are moments of my life when I felt the closest to you," Tris explains, "Look through them on your own, I've seen them enough times." She smiles and stretches up to lightly kiss me, then she walks to another corridor to look at other pictures.

For a moment I just stand there stunned, ever since her death I always wished that I could have kissed Tris one more time, and now, well that wish came true. I shake off the feeling and begin to look at the pictures.

The first one is a picture of me pulling Tris out of the net, typical, I smile at the fact that my first interaction with Tris is a moment that Tris considered important.

The next picture is actually a video, it shows Tris' first day at Dauntless and her challenging me at dinner. I pause at this picture, a small smile on my lips as I remember her exact words, 'It must be because you're so approachable. You know. Like a bed of nails.' I step up to the next picture.

There were many other pictures but only a few others stood out to me. One was a picture of Tris scaling the Ferris wheel with me close behind. Another was tris standing in front of a target with a knife on her ear and blood tricking down it.

I scan the other pictures until I find the one that that I wanted to find. It's a picture of tris and I kissing in the Chasm. I remember taking her to my fear sim and letting her find out every little thing about me. I remember kissing her, my first kiss, it was hers too I guess. I'm about to keep looking at the pictures but Tris runs in from the other room.

I look at Tris and she says, "Tobias, I brought you here to show you that I remember you and to tell you to move on," she sees the look on my face and holds up a hand, stopping me from speaking, "I know that you have heard this so many time, but hopefully if I tell you myself you'll actually listen. So listen. Tobias I love you but you can't mourn forever. Please just try to keep living a happy life, if not for yourself live that life for me. Try to continue to be yourself! And heck, if it'll help you get over me then get a new girlfriend! But just live Tobias, live the life that you're lucky enough to have."

All I can do is stare at her, awestruck. Tris truly is selfless, she's actually giving me permission to find a new girlfriend! Not that I would ever want another one, but I look into her blue-gray eyes and say, "I'll keep living, I promise."

She smiles and then her expression turns sad, "You have to go Tobias, you're waking up." She presses a smallish item into my hand and turns to walk away, but before she can I pull her back and kiss her, then I whisper, "I love you Beatrice Prior" then she fades away and I am waking up.

I jerk awake and look around, I wonder if that dream was real or if it was just my mind trying to make me move on. I sit up and find that the fingers of my left hand are clenched around something, curious I open my and and I see a small version of the Dauntless compound.

I gasp and realize, the dream was real, this little item proved that. I run my fingers over the model and I find a small latch, on the back of the model. I open it and I see the entire Dauntless compound, copied to perfection. I scan the model and I notice two little figures in my spot in the Chasm. It's me and Tris, Tris has given me a model of our first kiss.

It took some time but I finally followed Tris' instructions and managed to move on. I took the small vial of her ashes and left it in a small crack at our spot in the Chasm, I keep the model in my box of treasures, I'll never find another girl, that I know for sure. But I can be happy, I recently learned that Zeke and Shauna are getting married, I'm happy for them. Caleb and Cara somehow got together and are dating. I spend a lot of my time with Christina, as friends, neither of us can move on so we stick together. I have a new tattoo on my forearm now, and I try to follow it everyday.

The tattoo say, 'Keep Living'.

A/N I hope that that wasn't really bad... I'm terrible at writing things like this and I'm really surprised that I didn't gag, not once while writing this. How? I absolutely HATE writing fluffy stuff and will only write it when I absolutely need to... Just please leave a comment on how it was, please?


End file.
